The Gleek, the Warbler, and the Wardrobe
by fptc77
Summary: Not a Narnia crossover. Just a crack!fic in which Kurt reveals some of New Directions' secrets to Blaine.
1. Chapter 1

**The Gleek, the Warbler, and the Wardrobe**

**Author's Note: **As noted in the summary, this is _not_ a crossover with _The Chronicles of Narnia_; it's just that the title seemed perfect for this crack!fic. When the idea first hit me, this seemed like a one-shot drabble, but muses are fickle things. And, needless to say, I don't own _Glee_ or any of its characters. I do own the Wardrobe, though. :-)

In terms of setting, this takes place after "New York." Kurt is back at McKinley, Blaine is still a Warbler.

* * *

><p>As Kurt walked into his bedroom just ahead of Blaine, he swore he could feel the Warbler beaming. "Thank Carole for those leftovers, will you? They were delicious!"<p>

"Glad you liked them. I'll be sure to tell her when she gets home," said Kurt as he sat down at his computer to check his e-mail. Burt and Carole were off enjoying a night out, while Finn was at Puck's place griping about being single, so, for once, the two boys had the house to themselves.

Blaine sat down on Kurt's bed, and glanced outside. While it had been sunny that morning and much of the day, as they were eating dinner, both boys had noticed storm clouds gathering as they often do in early summer; a much-needed rain seemed imminent. Just a few seconds later, both boys heard a few loud claps of thunder, and then the sound of raindrops against the window and roof of the Hummel-Hudson house.

Blaine sighed. "Well, there goes my idea of taking a walk outside. . . . the umbrellas would just get in the way, and the rain would ruin your shoes."

A few seconds later, Blaine heard Kurt murmur the word "umbrellas." But then Kurt was silent for a while, seemingly lost in thought.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kurt turned around. Blaine saw a grin on the countertenor's face.

"I've got an idea," said Kurt, half-singing. "But we need to drive somewhere first."

"Where?"

"McKinley."

"Why?"

"It's a surprise, but trust me, you'll love it."

"Well, if you put it that way," said Blaine, getting up and walking over to Kurt, "why not?"

* * *

><p>A half-hour later, Blaine and Kurt were at McKinley, standing in front of a janitor's closet near the Glee Club.<p>

"Here we are," said Kurt, with a big smile on his face. "The surprise is right in there."

"A janitor's closet? Huh? And don't they normally lock the doors to McKinley on the weekend?"

"First, yes, they do lock the doors, but that doesn't matter right now. Second, it's not the closet that matters, it's what's _in_ the closet."

"You mean like K—"

"_Blaine_."

"Sorry. Couldn't resist. Is he—"

"Yes, Blaine, he's still in the closet. But that's not why I brought you here. Open it up."

Blaine turned the handle, to no avail. Blaine wondered. "Kurt, the door's locked."

Kurt blushed a little bit. "Oops. Right." Blaine saw Kurt's face once again bore that look of intense concentration. After a moment, he relaxed, and Kurt said, "Not anymore." Blaine tried the door again, and it turned easily in his hand. Blaine, a little stunned, walked in, found the light switch . . .

. . . and was underwhelmed at what stood before him.

The only thing in the closet was what looked like a large, wooden supply cabinet, about six feet wide, and a bit taller than Kurt. Blaine thought he saw what looked like a large scorch mark near the top of the right-hand door.

"OK. You brought me here to see a supply cabinet? Really?"

"Oh ye of little faith," said Kurt. "This is _not_ a supply cabinet. This is New Directions' _Wardrobe._" Kurt stressed the last word so much Blaine swore he could almost hear a capital W.

"So?"

"Well, open it up."

Blaine did. Inside were a bunch of mops, and some shelves holding various cleaning supplies.

"Isn't a wardrobe supposed to hold clothes?"

"Yes, Blaine, it is. Now close it up again."

"Why?"

A slightly impatient Kurt asked, "Just close it, will you?" Blaine did.

"Now what?"

"Give me a moment, OK? " Kurt said, still with just a hint of diva in his voice. Blaine looked at Kurt again, and once again saw that look of concentration on the taller boy's face. "OK, open it again."

Blaine opened the wardrobe, and was stunned to find that the cleaning supplies were gone. In fact, the entire cabinet had been reconfigured: now it really did look like a wardrobe, with a set of shelves from top to bottom in the middle, and a pair of racks for hangers on either side. One of the shelves now held a pair of top hats, while to the right side of the cabinet were a pair of white button-down shirts, a pair of vests, and two pairs of slacks.

Blaine blinked several times, utterly confused, and a little scared. "Kuuuurt, where did those clothes come from?"


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt didn't answer, so Blaine asked again. "Kurt, seriously, where did the clothes come from? Is this some sort of practical joke? Am I going to turn around just to have Puck throw a slushie in my face?"

"No, Blaine. This isn't a practical joke. It couldn't be."

"What do you mean it couldn't be?"

"It's complicated."

"As complicated as making top hats appear out of nowhere?"

Kurt sighed. "I knew he wouldn't believe me."

Blaine thought to himself. _Wait. . . . is my boyfriend talking to a supply cabinet?_ "Kurt, are you feeling OK?"

Kurt was still acting as if this was the most normal thing in the world. "Yes, Blaine. And, as I said before, the clothes are there because this is our Wardrobe." Kurt began rubbing his hand on the door of the wardrobe, as if it were a puppy. "And what a fabulous wardrobe you are!" Hearing the pitch of that last exclamation, the Warbler was glad there were no dogs around.

"That's not an explanation." _Unless I'm actually in a mental hospital somewhere. . . ._

"Actually, I don't know how the clothes get in there. They just do. But do you remember when I told you about when Finn and I were dressed like two of The Four Tops to perform 'Stop in the Name of Love'?"

"Yeah, of course."

"And do you remember how I mentioned that New Directions doesn't have much of a budget?"

"Yeaaah," said Blaine slowly, still not seeing where Kurt was going with this.

"Well, how do you think New Directions affords all these costumes that we're using just for a single rehearsal?"

"Hmph," uttered Blaine. "You know, I never really thought about it."

"Well, here's your answer. Our Wardrobe. Mr. Schuester found it in here just after he took over. He asked the janitor, and he said it'd been here as long as he's been here, and I think the janitor's been here since the Nixon administration."

"So does Mr. Schuester know how it works?"

"No. None of us do."

"Wait. If he doesn't know how it works, how did he figure out?"

"By accident. One day he snuck in here looking for paper towels, and found the cabinet. A couple of weeks later, he needed more, so he decided to raid the cabinet again. But instead of paper towels, he found Link Larkin's costume from _Hairspray_."

"Huh?"

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there. Anyhow, he was so startled, he closed the wardrobe again, opened it up . . . and there were the paper towels. He figured he must have been hallucinating. . . . And then it happened the next time he came in here. Then he found the mask and cape from _Phantom_."

"Mr. Schuester as the Phantom? OK. . . ."

"Yeah, I know. At any rate, it finally dawned on him that somehow, the wardrobe reads our thoughts, and creates costumes when we need them. Whenever one of us in New Directions needs a costume for class, all we have to do is stand here in front of the cabinet, think about the costumes we want, and, presto, the Wardrobe has them waiting for us."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. And it can actually do more than that. Who do you think unlocked the door to the closet?"

At this point, Blaine just stared at Kurt and the Wardrobe. "The wardrobe did? How?"

"Again, one of Mr. Schue's discoveries, and no, I don't know how it does it. He forgot some tests he needed to grade, came back here, and found the doors locked. While he was fumbling for his keys, he wished the doors would become unlocked, and they did."

"So why not have the wardrobe open the door to the principal's office?"

"We tried. It doesn't work. Apparently the wardrobe has a sense of right and wrong. If you want to play a prank on somebody, the wardrobe won't help you."

"Kurt, you do realize you sound like a Harry Potter character right now, yes?"

"Yeah, I do. Artie tried to explain how it might work in terms of wormholes and alternate universes or something one day over lunch. _He_ made it sound like an episode of 'Stargate.'" Kurt saw Blaine shake his head, grinning. "But in the grand scheme of things, it makes life a lot easier for those of us in glee club, so we've all learned to accept the craziness of it."

The shorter boy thought it over for a moment. "Yeah, when you say it that way, it makes a lot of sense. But then why didn't you have the wardrobe make your prom outfit?"

"Because I actually _like_ sewing, Blaine."

"Oh."

"So can we take these costumes home?"

"Yes, as long as we return them to the wardrobe within twenty-four hours."

"Twenty-four hours? We can't keep them longer?"

"Sorry, no."

"Why not?"

Kurt looked horrified at the suggestion. He actually shuddered before responding. "Just take it on faith for now, Blaine. Maybe I'll explain it to you later. _Maybe._" The tone in Kurt's voice made Blaine wonder. _Or maybe I can get _Finn _can explain. . . . Oh Gaga, did I just say that _Finn _could explain this? Maybe I truly _am_ going crazy. . . ._

"Never mind that for now. Is it alright if I try on one of the hats?"

"Sure, I think the one on the left is yours; it looks a little smaller."

"Haha." Blaine reached in, and grabbed the black top hat out of the wardrobe. He was surprised to find it was a perfect fit.

"Wow. This fits—"

"—Perfectly. I know. It's amazing, isn't it?"

"Yeah. How—" Blaine stopped, and answered his own question. "Lemme guess, you don't know how it knows our measurements, do you?"

"Nope."

"So, one more question for the moment: if I close the cabinet and ask for a costume like the alien in Katy Perry's 'E.T.', would it make it for me?"

"Yeahhhno, honey. First off, you're not in glee club, so it won't make clothes for you. God forbid what Sue Sylvester would do if she could use it. Second, even if you were in glee club, it has limits. Do you see those scorch marks on the top of the wardrobe?"

"I saw 'em when we first walked in."

Once again, Kurt reached out and patted the wardrobe. "Well, that happened when _someone_ tried to push our poor Wardrobe too hard."

"Let me guess, it was—"

_To be continued._ . . .

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note:<strong> I know where I want this to end up, but there are some things I haven't decided. I do know who's responsible for the scorch marks, but I'm still trying to decide what the "penalty" is for "overdue" clothes. Suggestions for the latter (and guesses for the former!) are more than welcome. Just remember we don't want to permanently scar the glee club members, OK? :-)


	3. Chapter 3

"Puck?"

"Not Puck, Blaine. Yes, he's been to juvie, but he's not the one that nearly destroyed the Wardrobe. Besides, I'm fairly sure that this wasn't deliberate, just stupid."

"Brittany?"

"Nope. But she taught us that the wardrobe has enough of a self-preservation instinct that it would _not_ make a costume for Lord Tubbington."

"Do I want to know, Kurt?"

"No. It was even worse than when she accused Lord Tubbington of taking up smoking again."

"She thinks her cat smokes? Kurt, I'm glad your taste in boys is better than your taste in girls." Blaine stuck out his tongue.

"Haha, Blaine. Actually, it was _your_ ex-girlfriend."

"Rachel?" Kurt heard Blaine gulp. "Do I have to worry about her setting my car on fire or something the next time she gets drunk?"

"No. First, she forgave you for what happened at the House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza a while ago. Second, she didn't take a match to it or anything."

"So, how did she put those burn marks there?"

"I'll tell you what. I didn't bring you here _just_ to show you the Wardrobe. So why don't we actually change into these clothes, and I'll tell you the story."

"Sure, why not. But, come to think of it, where do you guys change?"

"Oh, we use the instrument storage rooms. Of course you Warblers wouldn't understand." Now it was Kurt's turn to stick out his tongue. "Let's get these clothes out, and then close up the Wardrobe," said Kurt, as they did exactly that. As they were turning to leave the room, Kurt stopped and started thinking aloud. "Hats, vests, shirts, ties, pants, what else? Oh, right! Shoes!" Kurt had that look of concentration on his face one more time, opened up the wardrobe again, and this time, Blaine was only mildly surprised to see a pair of black patent leather shoes, the exact same color as the hats and slacks. The boys picked the shoes up, closed up the wardrobe one more time, then left the closet and closed the door behind them.

In their rush, Kurt forgot to close the door to the janitor's closet.

* * *

><p>With the Wardrobe's help, the boys entered the choir room. "It's just inside here, on the left hand side. The Wardrobe opened it for us, so just find the door and walk in." Blaine went in first, and Kurt right behind him, quickly finding the light switch.<p>

When the lights came on, _this_ time Blaine was impressed.

He was standing in a room about 10 feet wide, but seemed as long as a football field. A few feet past the door was the baby grand piano they brought in for rehearsals; behind that, one of the long walls seemed to be filled with dozens of instruments. All the way at the far end, against the narrow wall, was what looked like a bigger version of the wardrobe.

"Let me guess . . . that's the cabinet that gives you instruments when you need it?"

"If only we could have kids together so you could pass on your intelligence," said Kurt, giving Blaine a quick peck on the cheek before going over to close the door. As he walked back, he added "It actually does more than that, though. I'll tell you about that some other time."

"But why is this room so much bigger than the choir room?"

"Well, Mr. Schue says that when they were building the school, they made a mistake with the plans. This was supposed to be a hallway, but they built it too far over. Nobody could understand why there was a hallway that went between one classroom and another, so they turned it into storage space. And voilà, New Directions' instrument closet was born. But you do want to hear about Rachel, right?"

"I'd rather just watch you get undressed."

"And there I was complimenting your intelligence. Can't you ogle me _while_ listening?"

"I kid, I kid. So, how did Rachel nearly destroy the Wardrobe?"

"Well, to be fair, I heard this second hand from Finn."

* * *

><p><em>A few months earlier. . . .<em>

When Kurt had gotten home from Dalton, Finn looked positively giddy, but at dinner, when Kurt tried to figure out why, Finn just dodged his questions; Finn seemed far more interested in talking football with Burt, but did take the time to mouth the word "_later_" to Kurt while Burt and Carole weren't looking.

After dinner, Finn was apparently still hungry ("Is he _ever_ full?" quipped Blaine after his last dinner with Kurt and his family), so he asked Carole for permission to take Kurt to get some dessert at the Lima Bean. Promising to be back home well before midnight, the taller boy took hold of Kurt's shoulder, and they were on their way.

As soon as Finn had pulled out of the driveway, he started talking. "Sorry about that, Kurt, but I didn't want to spend all night explaining the wardrobe to our folks."

"Well, I wish you'd explain your love of puffy vests to me, because I _still_ don't get it."

"Not _my_ wardrobe, Kurt. _The_ Wardrobe."

Having been away from Dalton for a while, it took a second for Finn's words to sink in.

"_The Wardrobe?_ That's why you looked about ready to burst tonight? What did it do?"

"Well, it's not what _it_ did, it's what Rachel did." Finn again looked about ready to burst into giggles.

_Oh, this has to be good, _Kurt thought. "Do tell."

"You know I'm sworn to secrecy about what we're doing for Regionals . . ."

"Yeah, yeah, I remember hearing Rachel screaming about 'the enemy' more than once the last few weeks."

"But I can tell you that Rachel suggested that we have the Wardrobe make outfits 'expressing our unique personalities.' Apparently she had spent two hours thinking about what the girl's outfits would look like, and was going to have the Wardrobe make her one to model for us."

"So how many crimes against fashion did these outfits commit?"

"Apparently, first-degree murder. It took the wardrobe a good five minutes before it would open up to reveal the clothes. But when she went to open it, we saw smoke and what looked like flames near the top right corner."

"So what did you do?"

"The only thing we could. We opened it to see what was going on. There was Rachel's outfit, but on the shelf above the hanger rack, there was a small fire. We couldn't use the fire extinguisher to put out the fire, so we used the only thing available."

"You don't mean . . ."

"Yeah, we had to use Rachel's outfit to put out the fire. And, actually, I think that was a good thing. I didn't get to look at it too closely, but dude, the skirt was plaid, the socks had pinstripes, and there were polka dots on the sweater."

"Oh, Gaga, what was that child thinking?"

"Believe it or not, that was my first thought when I saw it. 'My God, imagine if Kurt saw this, he'd have a fit.'"

"Please tell me you're second thought was, 'Oh, crap, the Wardrobe's on fire!' Is the Wardrobe OK?"

"Yeah, the fire wasn't too bad. The wardrobe is still in one piece, although there is a scorch mark on top of the Wardrobe."

"Oh, poor thing," said the countertenor, with genuine affection in his voice.

"But the best part is what happened afterwards. Rachel said, 'Oh, well. That was unfortunate. Let's just put the scraps back in the Wardrobe so it can make a new outfit for me.' We did, and guess what happened?"

"It caught fire again?"

"No. Apparently it decided to punish Rachel. Now it won't make _anything_ for her at all. She spent most of rehearsal trying to get the wardrobe to make something for her, but no luck."

"Well, it could have been worse. If she had tried to make outfits for everyone, it might have accidentally destroyed itself trying to make all those outfits!"

"True, but, luckily for us, it didn't. And, you know what, Kurt? _Thank God_. If that's what she wanted the girls to wear, I don't even want to think of what she wanted to put us guys in."

At this thought, both boys cracked up, and it took them the rest of the drive to the Lima Bean to stop laughing.

* * *

><p>Blaine started laughing at Kurt's story, too. He was glad he wasn't trying to put on his pants when Kurt got to the description of Rachel's outfit, as he might have ended up a heap on the floor given how hard he started laughing. Kurt, of course, was <em>not<em> glad, because he was hoping to spend more time checking out Blaine's legs and boxer briefs. After a couple of minutes, though, both boys had finished changing clothes.

"Wow, Kurt," said the Warbler. "You look quite . . . _dapper_. Like Fred Astaire!"

"I was thinking Cary Grant," said Kurt, pretending to model the outfit. "But, regardless, I look _awesome _in this. And so do you."

"Does this look better than the blazer? You know you love the blazer," teased Blaine.

"Tough call, Blaine, tough call. Let me get back to you on that one."

"So, now what? I don't think you brought me out here just to play dress-up."

"Nope, I didn't. But now we need to back to my place to finish up."

"Then why did we need to get dressed here?"

"So I could make sure that we got to watch each other change clothes, honey."

"Ah. . . . We should do that more often."

"Yes, but for now, let's get our clothes put away and get out of here. Oh, one more thing: trust me, roll your sleeves up." Both boys did.

"After you, Kurt."

The boys quickly put their clothes in the bags they had brought with them, that currently held their umbrellas. ("We don't want to leave a wet trail from the wardrobe to the choir room," Kurt had explained as they were about to enter the building.)

It took them a moment to lock the instrument closet and the choir room before heading back to Kurt's Navigator in the parking lot.

* * *

><p>By the time they were at the front entrance, they were too far away from the Wardrobe to hear Sue Sylvester walk by the janitor's closet. "Weird. I could have sworn I heard Porcelain's squeaky voice," Sue said to no one in particular. When she got to the janitor's closet holding the wardrobe, she thought to herself, "Ah, maybe they've got one of those compressed air cans for my computer in here. . . ."<p>

* * *

><p>Since it was still raining, Blaine could feel the drops of rain hitting his arms and forearms, as he and Blaine ran to the SUV. He even felt a few drops on his face and hat as they ran. When they were safely inside the vehicle, Blaine reached over to buckle his seat belt, and then came to an important realization.<p>

"Kurt? I think there's something strange going on here. . . ."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>You know, I could have sworn when I started this story was going to take me about 2,000 words, maybe 2,500 max. . . .


	4. Chapter 4

Blaine was lying on his back, with his shirt off, revealing what Kurt thought was an absolutely perfect chest. Of course, _everything_ about Blaine was perfect: his hair—gelled into submission or not, his grin, his eyes, everything.

Kurt leaned in and started kissing Blaine's neck as he slowly moved his hands down the Warbler's chest. As he got to Blaine's belt, he suddenly heard Blaine speak.

"Kurt? I think there's something strange going on here. . . ."

"That's not strange at all, Blaine, that's just lit—"

_"Kurt!"_

Kurt snapped out of his little fantasy and looked at Blaine with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Kurt, were you having another 'fantasy sequence'?"

Kurt's face was red as a beet. "Sorry."

Blaine shook his head, smiling. "Geez. Imagine if we had been having dinner with your folks. . . . But as I was saying, there's something weird going on here. Why is it that my hands and arms are wet, but these clothes aren't?"

"Because that's how Mr. Schuester designed these outfits."

"Wait. Why would you need waterproof clothes for a rehearsal? You guys practice indoors."

"Well, yeah, we do, but that day, we needed them. Remind me and I'll show you the video."

Blaine was confused. "Video? You videotape _rehearsals_?"

"Yeah. The instrument closet makes recorders, too."

"I thought being in the Warblers was the greatest thing ever, but now you actually having me feel jealous about New Directions."

_The master plan seems to be working_, thought Kurt to himself.

Rather than reveal too much, though, Kurt just turned on the radio in his Navigator. The first song that came on was "Bills, Bills, Bills," and the inevitable singalong, from one song to the next, kept Blaine too busy to ask any more questions until they got home.

As Kurt turned off the engine, Blaine asked, "So, what was this master plan of yours?"

"Hmmm . . . let's see: we went over to McKinley and got waterproof clothes. It's still raining. I mentioned _Cary Grant_ earlier. You do the math."

Blaine thought about it for a few moments, and then comprehension dawned on him. "Ahhhh . . . clever!"

"Now just give me a minute while I go get my laptop and speakers."

Kurt rushed out of the car, leaving his top hat and umbrella on the back seat, and hurried into the house as quickly as he could. He turned on all the lights near the driveway, and hurried up to his bedroom, setting up the speakers on his computer so they were broadcasting out the window. They weren't extraordinarily powerful, so he turned them up high, started up iTunes, and then ran back outside. While he was doing that, Blaine got out of the car, put his top hat on, and retrieved Kurt's hat.

When Kurt got to the front door, he found Blaine waiting just outside, with Kurt's hat in his hand. Blaine bowed, extending the hat forward, and asking "May I have the honor of this dance?"

Kurt flashed a smile. "But of course."

Blaine, of course, was not surprised to hear "Singing in the Rain" pour out of Kurt's speakers, loud enough to make out the words, but not so loud that they had to worry about the neighbors complaining. He grabbed Kurt's hands, and they walked down to the driveway, where they began slow dancing. Of course, their dancing looked nothing like Cary Grant's—after all,Cary Grant didn't have anyone to dance with—but they were far too interested in staying close to one another to care.

* * *

><p>After getting pizza with Puck, and complaining about the latest developments in the Finn-Quinn-Rachel-Jesse love polygon, they returned to Puck's house to play on Puck's Xbox. After a couple of minutes, Finn began feeling a little weird, like he had an itch he just couldn't scratch. At first he ignored it, but then it just got stronger and stronger; after a half hour, it was just too strong. He texted Kurt to check on him, and got no reply. Then he called Kurt and got no response. After a while, Finn still couldn't shake the feeling.<p>

"Hey, Puck, I've been trying to reach Kurt now, and he's not answering."

"So? He probably just turned the ringer off so he and Blaine can watch a movie or something."

"Yeah, that makes sense. But, still, if something happened to them, Burt would kill me. Tell you what, let's go back to my place, check up on them, and then we can keep playing on my Xbox."

Puck thought about it for a moment. "Sure, but you're driving."

* * *

><p>After "Singing in the Rain" ended, Kurt and Blaine moved apart. "That was awesome, Kurt," said Blaine, as he started heading towards the front door.<p>

"Blaine Warbler, get back here! We're not done yet!" Kurt said alluringly. He moved over to his SUV, and retrieved their umbrellas; he tossed Blaine's to the shorter boy. "Catch!"

Blaine did, and then heard the opening chords of "Teenage Dream," and immediately started dancing as he had the first time he met Kurt. He tried to ad lib with the umbrella, but not having Kurt's experience dancing with an umbrella, he nearly tripped over it a couple of times. Seeing as Kurt had never performed this song, he was just content to watch Blaine. After a while, though, Blaine said, "Hey, Kurt, I thought you said _we_'re not done yet. Get over here and start dancing!" So Kurt did, trying to copy Blaine's moves. By the end of the song, both boys were laughing.

When "Teenage Dream" was over, Kurt told Blaine he wanted to play something new. At that point, Blaine could care less what song Kurt wanted to play; all that mattered was being out here with Kurt. "This time, though, just watch me," Kurt said as the music started.

Blaine heard the opening of Rihanna's "Umbrella," and didn't know why Kurt was calling it "something new." Then Blaine heard the name "Holly" instead of "Rihanna," and was curious. That train of thought, though, was quickly derailed as he saw Kurt start dancing. Seeing Kurt strut with the umbrella and snapp his fingers made Blaine want to just forget the dancing and jump Kurt on the spot. And then he heard some man—clearly not Cary Grant—start singing the chorus from "Singin' in the Rain." Blaine figured, though, that as interesting as this mashup was, Kurt's dancing was even more interesting.

When Kurt went down on one knee as Mr. Schuester sang "so dark up above," Blaine finally understood the whole waterproof-clothes idea. But then Kurt did his spin move with the umbrella, and that idea was completely dismissed from his mind, too.

When the song ended, and Kurt shot his umbrella upward, Blaine ran over to Kurt. "That was . . .wow."

"Thanks. I set the computer to play this song twice, so join me!"

"I'd be honored."

"And don't worry about the choreography, Blaine, just do whatever you want."

They danced again, with Kurt doing pretty much the same dance as before, and Blaine doing his best to copy Kurt's movements. He decided to skip the spin moves, because he didn't trust his footing, but when Kurt got down on one knee, Blaine did too. As he did, thoughts of wedding proposals briefly crossed his mind.

At the bridge, though, Kurt brought Blaine next to him, and started directing him to make sure that they stayed close as they sang "Come into me." He simplified the routine, and gave some directions to Blaine, to keep them as close as possible until the song ended. They ended up right near the garage door.

After the song ended, Blaine stared at Kurt for a moment. "We need to do this more often," he said, panting a little to catch his breath.

"Yes, we do," said Kurt. The two boys stared at one another, and then leaned in for a kiss.

They stood there a while, lips locked together, until they saw headlights on the driveway. A second later, they heard Puck yell, "Get a room, you two!"

Kurt broke off just long enough to say, "Whatever, Puck," before returning to more pressing questions like Blaine's kissing technique.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>When I first envisioned this story, I actually planned to end it somewhere in this chapter (and that version didn't have Puck or Finn in it at all). But then the plot bunnies interfered . . . and so there's definitely more coming. And as I said before, I'm still trying to decide what the wardrobe does with "overdue" clothes, so suggestions are more than welcome.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: _As I said before, the plot bunnies have been busy. I knew that I was going to have to write this at some point or another.

* * *

><p>Kurt and Blaine were walking back into the house, and heading up to Kurt's room, when he decided to ask Kurt about something he'd said earlier.<p>

"So Kurt, were you there when Brittany tried to make a costume for Lord Tubbington?"

"Oh Gaga, yes. It was last Halloween. Let me tell you about it while I find that video I wanted to show you."

* * *

><p><em>Last Halloween. . . .<em>

The members of New Directions were sitting around just after practice, discussing the Halloween costumes they were going to get from the wardrobe that afternoon.

Puck asked, "So, Kurt, I know you didn't want to do it for the show, but would you consider wearing a Frank N. Furter costume for Halloween?"

Kurt looked offended. "How many times do I have to say it? Just because I dressed up like Beyoncé in 'Single Ladies,' and can sing like her too, doesn't mean I like every drag role in existence. So, N-O, no, no, _hell to the no._"

Puck raised his hands up in apology. "Sorry, dude."

Kurt crossed his arms and turned around. "You should be. I'm actually going as Dr. Frankenstein."

"And guess who's going to be the monster," said Finn, walking towards Kurt with his arms raised and a mechanical gait.

Mercedes chuckled at Finn's impression. "So, boo, I know the wardrobe can make the costumes, but how are you going to get those bolts onto Finn's neck?"

"I've got that covered," said Finn, reaching into his bag and pulling out a package of super glue. "See?"

Mercedes rolled her eyes and whispered to Kurt, "Child, you better talk some sense into your bro there."

Kurt leaned in and whispered, "I'll try. Knowing Finn, he'll probably end up with the bolt stuck to his forehead and his hand glued to his neck." He then spoke loud enough that everyone could hear, and asked Mercedes what she and the other ladies were going to wear.

"Well, we decided to go with a _Wizard of Oz-Wicked_ theme. Rachel is Elphaba, Quinn's Glinda, Tina is the Scarecrow, I'm going to be the Tin Man, Santana's going to be the Wizard, and Brittany's going to be Dorothy."

"But where is Brittany?"

"She said she had to go home and get something. She said she'd meet us outside the wardrobe right after practice."

So, the glee club members headed to the wardrobe to get their costumes. From a distance, they saw Brittany, holding a large boxlike object with both hands, coming to meet them. When they got near the door, they could see that Brittany was holding a pet carrier.

"Britt, please tell me you did _not_ bring Lord Tubbington in that thing."

"Of course I did, Mercedes. How else am I going to get his costume?"

"His _what?_"

"His costume. I'm going to be Dorothy, and Lord Tubbington is going to be the cutest Toto ever. Aren't you?"

At this, all conversation came to an abrupt halt. Half of them—including Puck and Kurt—were too busy trying to suppress laughter, while the other half were stunned into silence, unable to come up with anything to say. Finally, Mike broke the ice. "Brittany, you're going to dress your _cat_ up as a _dog_?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Brittany, remember what happened when you tried to put the cone of shame on him a few years ago?"

"Yes. But that lamp had it coming. It always looked at me funny."

Kurt leaned into whisper to Mike. "Don't bother. You can't argue with a delusion."

Mike took Kurt's advice. "OK, Britt. Whatever you say."

Again, Kurt spoke up. "Hey guys, since Britt needs to take Lord Tubbington home after this, let's let her go first."

Pretty much the same thoughts ran through the minds of everyone other than Brittany—_this is going to be good—_and they all agreed.

So Brittany stood in front of the Wardrobe, and pictured herself as Dorothy, complete with ruby shoes, and Lord Tubbington as Toto.

After a few seconds, she opened the wardrobe. On the right-hand side was her Dorothy costume, exactly as she imagined it. But instead of a costume for Lord Tubbington, she found a stuffed terrier on one of the shelves.

Rachel, who was standing closest to the wardrobe door, reached in and pulled out the Dorothy costume, while Brittany put Lord Tubbington's carrier down and pulled out the dog. She simply stared at it before saying "This isn't a costume."

"Hey, Britt, there's a note attached," said Tina, as she plucked a note attached to one of the dog's legs. She read it for everyone to hear.

_"Dear Madam: The Code of Wardrobes prohibits me from creating costumes for cats. It's tacky, they won't wear them, and they plot revenge against those who try. I will assume you asked for such a thing in error, and have provided a substitute. My apologies for any inconvenience this might cause. Sincerely, your friendly neighborhood Wardrobe."_

Brittany looked crestfallen at this revelation. "Oh well. But maybe the wardrobe can make Lord Tubbington a flying monkey costume!"

Kurt tried to warn Brittany, but it was too late: once again, Brittany concentrated on a costume for the cat. This time, there was nothing but a note on one of the shelves. This time, Brittany picked it up, and read it aloud.

_"Dear Madam: You have actually come up with an even worse idea. For that, I sentence you to 14 days without further costumes, and to 30 minutes of cat chasing. You may use the Dorothy costume, but do not tempt fate by asking again about costumes for your cat. Sincerely, your pissed-off Wardrobe." _ As soon as Brittany finished reading the letter, the door to Lord Tubbington's cat carrier suddenly sprung open. The cat, sensing a chance at freedom, immediately jumped out, and trotted out of the closet (Lord Tubbington was, of course, too fat to actually make a _run_ for it), meowing up a storm, and forcing Brittany to chase after him.

"Lord Tubbington! Get back here or I'll ground you for a month!"

* * *

><p>Kurt, now sitting at his computer, finished the story: just as the wardrobe said, it took Brittany half an hour to corral Lord Tubbington. Mercifully, Brittany took the wardrobe's advice.<p>

"So did she actually ground Lord Tubbington?"

"Only until Lord Tubbington reminded her that he's an outdoor cat."

The Warbler, seated next to Kurt, simply shook his head in amazement. After a bit of scrolling with the mouse, Kurt found the video he was looking for.

"Ah, there you are," said Kurt in a singsong voice. "here's that video I wanted to show you." The file was labeled "Umbrella/Singin' in the Rain." Before starting it, though, Kurt called out to his brother and Puck. "Hey, Finn, Puck! I've got a video you should see. There's a hot chick in it that you'll want. . ."

The two jocks were in the room, hovering behind Kurt, before he could finish the sentence.

Kurt clicked on the file to start playing the video. As soon as Finn heard the first few notes, he sighed. Blaine turned long enough to see Finn's cheeks were flushed even more than his boyfriend's. He guessed it wasn't for the same reason, though.

"C'mon, Kurt, do you really have to show this to Blaine?"

Kurt grinned. "Yes, Finn. Yes, I do."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: **Sorry for the delay on this one. It didn't help, of course, that the video that I'm referencing here _is no longer available on YouTube. . . ._ Grrr. [Seriously. Why would Sony have a problem with the _video_ performances _posted by the producers of the show_, but be OK with pure audio posted by random folks? I just don't get it.]

* * *

><p>Kurt turned to Blaine and said, "First, Blaine, I'll let you watch the video all the way through. <em>Then<em> we can make fun of Finn."

Finn sighed. _I just hope he's not too harsh._

After the video, the first thing Blaine said didn't surprise Kurt at all. "Whoever that Holly is, she looks a lot like—"

"—Gwyneth Paltrow," said Finn, Puck, and Kurt in unison. "Yeah, she gets that a lot. And her name, believe it or not, is Holly Holiday."

Blaine shook his head. "What were her parents thinking?"

"She gets that a lot, too."

"OK, so now that I have that off my chest . . ." Blaine leered at Kurt, causing Puck and Finn to roll their eyes. "_Where did all that water come from?"_

"We're not sure. All we know is that Holly had visited a film set and seen the equipment they use to do that sort of thing, and the instrument closet took care of the rest. It took the janitors a full day to set it up, though."

"And what did they do with all the water when they were done?"

"Lots and lots of wet vacs. Apparently it took the janitors _two_ days to clean it all up."

"The principal didn't have a problem with that?"

"Gwyneth Paltrow look-alike, Blaine, remember? She had them eating out of the palm of her hand. They were _volunteering_ to stay late to clean it up."

"Wow. So now you said something about mocking Finn?"

"Yes, yes I did. Let's go back to the beginning."

Kurt restarted the video. About 15 seconds in, Blaine noticed something "Hey, Kurt, why's Artie heading back about four different times?"

"Well, we did film it three or four times. That said, our video editors are members of the AV Club. The guy who edited this one is named Ryan something. I think he's a senior."

"You sure about that?" asked Finn. "I thought he was a junior."

"I don't know. Anyways, Ryan's pretty good at editing, although continuity isn't exactly his strong suit. As I was saying. . . ." Kurt continued with the video until Mr. Schuester's first entrance, at which point Blaine noticed Finn backing away from the computer. He then watched as five men danced forward, at which point Kurt stopped.

"At this point, we're supposed to look like a triangle, Mr. Schuester up front, me and Mike in the second row, and Puck, Sam, and Finn in the third row. But we don't. I wonder why that is. . . . Finn, do you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, because I had to go pee." After a couple of seconds, Finn pointed to a guy at the edge of the screen, just offstage. "See, Blaine, that's me headed to the can. But it's not like I was the only one. We all must have gone three or four times each that day." Blaine looked puzzled. Finn explained. "You ever hear water and need to go to the bathroom, Blaine?"

"Sure. Oh."

"Yeah, those things were going _all day_. And since we had to drink a lot because of those hot lights. . . . There were a couple of times we had a line in front of the _men's _room."

"Yikes," said Blaine.

"I'm just trying to figure out how that ended up in there at all, though, since all the other takes went just fine."

"Who knows what goes through Ryan's mind, sometimes?" _Maybe it was the ten bucks I slipped him. . . . _"Heck, one video he started off by suggesting that Mercedes and Sam were dating . . . and then Sam doesn't appear in the rest of the video."

"Weird."

"Yeah. And, as further proof of Ryan's weirdness, _voilà,_ Finn's back in the picture!"

"You know what, Kurt, it may be embarrassing, but at least you notice me, unlike Puck standing in the back the whole time." Puck scowled.

"True, Finn, true. Now back to the video." Kurt unpaused it.

When the teachers were standing under the yellow umbrella, Blaine asked, "Were you all there when they taped that?"

"No," said Puck. "And from what they _did _use, I'm thinking it's a very, _very_ good thing we weren't. Teachers making out? Yuck. It'd be like catching your paren—" Kurt and Finn both turned pale _and_ red-faced simultaneously.

Kurt suddenly stuck his fingers in his eardrums and began singing—_loudly._ "It's time to try defying gravity! think I'll try defying gravity! Kiss me—"

Puck look mortified. "Oops. Sorry." Finn shook Kurt's shoulder to let him know he could stop singing.

"Kurt does that whenever he hears about, umm, situations he'd rather not try to picture."

"Don't worry, Kurt," Blaine hurriedly added. "I won't ask." _But I wonder what those leggings would look like on Kurt. After all, when he did "Single Ladies," he did look _hot_ in that leotard. . . ._

Blaine had such a vacant look on his face for a moment that it made Kurt shake Blaine's shoulder. "Earth to Blaine. Blaine, were you picturing Mr. Schuester making out with Miss Holliday?"

"Of course not! I was just wondering . . . how you all managed to get through that without hitting one another with your umbrellas."

Puck volunteered, "about four hours of practice where we _did_ smack each other a few times."

_"Hey Santana, can I 'come in to you'?" whispered Puck as they were rehearsing that final "improv" section._

_"Ummm, no." said Santana, before accidentally whacking Puck's back with her umbrella._

"OK. So there's one more thing I want to show you. . . . Ah, here we go." It was near the end of the song, where everyone was singing "my umbrella" over and over again. Kurt froze with Finn on camera, seemingly in the midst of a belly laugh, acting like an oversized six-year-old. Which, of course, in many ways he was.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you . . . Finn Hudson, Frankenteen!"

Finn, decidedly unhappy, figured it was time to call things to a halt before things devolved any further. "So, _Kurt_, would you like me to tell Blaine about what happened when you forgot to return your outfit to the wardrobe in time?"

_"You wouldn't_," said Kurt.

Finn turned to Blaine. "You should have seen it, Blaine. We performed 'Give Up the Funk' before Regionals last year—"

Kurt realized Finn meant business. "OK! OK! I'll stop, I'll stop!"

"Thank you, little brother. Now, if you'll excuse us, Puck and I are going to play _Call of Duty_. G'night, Blaine."

"'Night, Finn, 'night, Puck," said Blaine.

Kurt and Blaine spent another hour or two watching glee club videos before deciding to turn in for the night.

"Remember, Blaine, we need to take those outfits back first thing in the morning."

"Sure, Kurt." Blaine kissed Kurt on the cheek before they climbed into bed. Neither Blaine nor Kurt, both thoroughly worn out, noticed that as Blaine had laid out his outfit on one of Kurt's chairs, that his tie had fallen to the floor underneath the chair.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>I've decided what the wardrobe does when it doesn't get its clothes back. . . .


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: **Sorry if this seems a bit short, but I wanted to make sure to advance the "plot" a bit further.

* * *

><p>Just before Kurt and Blaine went to sleep, Burt and Carole called to tell them that they had found a great deal on a room at a bed and breakfast, and so would spend the night there. Kurt quickly rushed through the call, finding out they'd be home around two the next day. After securing permission for Blaine to sleep over, he wished his dad and stepmom a good night, and hung up the phone before he had to start singing show tunes again.<p>

After filling in Blaine, they went to tell Finn. Hearing the good news, Puck decided to crash overnight at the Hummel-Hudson house. After Puck called his mother, he turned to Blaine. "So, will you two lovebirds be keeping us up all night?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Yeaaaaahhhh_NO. _Not with you in the same ZIP code, Puck. Come on, Blaine." The taller boy led the Warbler back to his bedroom.

After Kurt closed the door, Blaine backed Kurt up to it before planting a deep, slow kiss on Kurt's mouth. It was a good twenty or thirty seconds before they broke contact. Then, letting out a short sigh of relief, Blaine said "For a minute there, I thought you were going to tell him—"

Kurt put his hand to Blaine's mouth and a finger to his own lips to keep Blaine from finishing that sentence. After backing Blaine away from the door, he opened it to find Finn and Puck standing there, trying to eavesdrop. Kurt flashed them a wide grin that was somehow simultaneously innocent and malicious. "Noah, Finn. How can I help you?" The grin stayed on his face.

It took Finn a moment to realize two things: one, discretion was the better part of valor, and, two, that Kurt could be quite vicious when plotting revenge. "Umm, nothing. . G'nightKurt." As Finn quickly shoved Puck down the hallway, Kurt closed the door, as Blaine started laughing.

"How did you know?"

"To be honest, I wasn't a hundred percent sure, but I do know Puck. His mind doesn't live in the gutter. It _is_ the gutter."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Just be glad you don't have to deal with him in school, too. Now let's go to bed."

* * *

><p><em>Early the next morning, at McKinley . . .<em>

Rachel was glad that the wardrobe would at least open the doors for her. Maybe he knew about the present she had for it.

When she got into the janitor's closet, she tried to picture herself as Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_, but, as usual, when she opened the wardrobe, there were no clothes there.

"You know, I'm sorry about that whole outfit thing. To make it up to you, I brought you something. . . . Wood polish! It looks like you haven't been cleaned in years!" Rachel spent the next hour carefully polishing the wardrobe until it fairly shined. Hoping that this might have done the trick, Rachel once again pictured herself as Belle. But instead of a costume, she found a slip of paper, much as Brittany had.

_Rachel:_

_Thank you. . . . Now do that a few more times, and maybe I'll restore your costume privileges._

_Your shinier neighborhood Wardrobe._

Rachel clearly wasn't happy about this particular turn of events, but at least she took hope that maybe someday she might get back in the wardrobe's good graces. She left the sheet of paper in the wardrobe, closed it up, and went back home, singing "For Good" as she drove back home.

* * *

><p><em>A little later, at the Hummel-Hudson house . . .<em>

All the boys "decided" to sleep in late until about eleven in the morning. After taking care of their morning necessities, Puck and Finn chose to go for a run rather than wait for Kurt to finish his moisturizing routine. For the first half, Blaine stayed and chatted with Kurt, but then figured he should probably get started on breakfast. Kurt didn't want Blaine knocking himself out trying to feed Finn, so he suggested that Blaine make some scrambled eggs, toast, and waffles, which the shorter boy did. Having spent many weekends with Kurt, he had no trouble finding what he needed, nor the various signs of the Frankenteen's most recent culinary disasters, such as the traces of soot still stuck to the ceiling near the stove. Blaine wondered how anyone could screw up making macaroni and cheese so badly, and was glad that Kurt was much better in the kitchen than Finn.

Unluckily for Puck and Finn, Kurt finished his routine just before they got back from their run. He went to the fridge, and grabbed a couple of bottles of water. He left them out on the counter for Puck and Finn, but needed to warn Blaine. "Honey, when Puck and Finn get back, and they start drinking, could you do two things? One, just let me know that the food's ready, or almost ready, or whatever. Two, stay away from them."

"Why?"

"Trust me, you'll see."

When the football players got back, sweating and catching their breath, Blaine mentioned to them that Kurt had left the water for them, and called out to Kurt. Kurt walked in, holding his phone like he was sending a text to Mercedes. As he walked in the door, Kurt sweetly asked, "So, Puck, what have you two lovebirds been up to?"

Kurt was glad his cell phone's camera didn't need a flash to capture the resulting spit takes.

* * *

><p><em>Later that afternoon . . .<br>_

Kurt and Blaine walked out of the theater after an afternoon performance of _A Very Potter Musical_. They both loved it. "The creator's a genius," said Blaine. Kurt agreed, and then reminded Blaine that they needed to get the clothes back to the wardrobe, so their next stop was McKinley; all the clothes were sitting in the trunk of Kurt's Navigator.

All of it, except for Blaine's tie, which unbeknownst to either of them was currently on the floor of Kurt's bedroom.

Once again, the wardrobe let them into the school and the janitor's closet. When they got there, they opened up the wardrobe to return the clothes, Kurt found the note the wardrobe had left for Rachel.

"Oh, Gaga, no," was all Kurt could manage, as he showed the note to Blaine.

"I thought you said the wardrobe had a strong sense of self-preservation."

"True. And it did say 'maybe' instead of 'definitely.'"

"Thank goodness for little favors."

"Yeah, I know." Kurt closed the wardrobe, and the boys headed back home for dinner with Burt and Carole.

* * *

><p>After dinner, Kurt and Blaine decided to play with Finn on his Xbox rather than watch baseball on TV with Burt and Carole. Or, more accurately, Blaine and Finn played, while Kurt watched.<p>

About an hour after they started, Kurt startled both boys when he suddenly started retching, and ran for the bathroom.

Finn looked at Kurt as he was running out of the room, and though he only caught a glimpse of the countertenor on his way out, Finn thought he knew _why_ Kurt had started heaving. After a moment, he worked up the courage to explain it to Blaine. "Blaine, what time did you get the clothes from the wardrobe?"

"About 9:30, I think."

"Blaine, I think you or Kurt must have forgotten to return something to the wardrobe."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's 9:30 now. So that's 24 hours."

Kurt finished the answer for Finn. "And this is what happens when you don't return clothes to the wardrobe within 24 hours." Blaine turned around, and gasped when he saw Kurt.

Kurt was wearing a vintage, lime-green leisure suit.

"Yuck. Talk about a wardrobe malfunction," said Blaine.

Kurt wasn't sure whether he should start laughing or try to whack Blaine over the forehead.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note:<strong> Note that Blaine never did finish that thought? What do you think he was going to say? :-)


	8. Chapter 8

"Now, Blaine, you understand the whole twenty-four-hour deadline thing?"

Blaine had difficulty looking at Kurt, or more accurately, at Kurt's attire. Eventually he managed to say, "Yeah. But does _everyone_ get leisure suits?" He got up, guessing Kurt needed his help . . . or maybe planned to kill him for some reason.

"No. According to Mr. Schuester, it picks your worst fashion nightmare, and that's what it gives you."

Blaine thought about that for a moment, and then realized what Kurt wasn't saying. . . . "So what did it give _him_?"

"One of the leotards from 'Single Ladies.' And, maybe, just _maybe_, there might be pictures." As mortified as the teacher might have been, Kurt had thought he made the outfit work.

"So what now?"

"Now we go back to my room, and retrace our steps. Obviously, there's something missing. I'd have noticed if you tried to leave the hat or something big, so I'm guessing it's one of the ties. Of course, _it_ won't look the same, either." Kurt passed the kitchen, and said, "But first . . . " just before ducking inside. "Ah," Blaine heard Kurt say; a moment later, Kurt emerged with a brown paper bag.

After reaching Kurt's bedroom, it only took them a couple of minutes of searching on their hands and knees before Blaine found what used to be his tie. When Blaine pulled it out, instead of a stylish black, it was now an unutterably garish paisley.

"Yeah, I'm guessing this isn't yours," he quipped, as he turned toward Kurt. Kurt did not, however, look at the tie. With his eyes tightly closed, he opened up the paper bag, and blindly thrust it toward Blaine.

"Put it in, _now_."

For a second, Blaine joked, "Hey, this might look good on you with that leisure suit." Then Blaine made the mistake of staring at the tie for a couple of seconds. He could feel the bile starting to rise in his throat.

Kurt was clearly _not_ amused. "Blaine Warbler, if that tie is not in the bag in three seconds . . ."

Blaine, now on the verge of retching himself, put the tie in the bag. "It's in." After a moment, he added "My God, Kurt. That tie was actually worse than the leisure suit."

"Yeah. As I said, it wants its clothes back in twenty-four hours. I don't know why, but that's the rule. Now let me change out of _this_ monstrosity, and then we'll take the tie back to the Wardrobe."

* * *

><p><em>At McKinley, outside the closet . . .<em>

Sue Sylvester stared at the door to the janitor's closet for a moment before opening it with the key she had "borrowed" off an old janitor a few years prior. She entered the closet, and saw the cabinet; opening it, she just saw standard janitorial supplies. That didn't stop her from searching throughout the cabinet for contraband, but after a few minutes, she realized there was none to be found.

Yet she couldn't help but wonder why she had heard what sounded like Porcelain's voice emanating from near the cabinet the other day. Luckily, she had just the thing . . . a spy camera she had bought, planning to sneak it into the choir room. Sue hoped that maybe she would get lucky, and catch something that would get Mr. Schuester fired.

As Sue installed the camera, she prayed she wouldn't be taping an episode of _Gleeks Gone Wild_ . . . although she realized that perhaps that might have its benefits too.

It only took Sue about five minutes to install the camera. If it had taken her an hour instead, she might have been there when Kurt and Blaine returned to McKinley.

_Outside McKinley . . ._

And had Kurt and Blaine not been so focused on each other, and the abomination of a necktie sitting in the paper bag Blaine held, they might have been more aware of their surroundings when they arrived at McKinley.

As they waited for the Wardrobe to unlock the front door, they didn't see the black SUV that drove past them, or its occupants. . . . two of Blaine's fellow Warblers.

"Hey, Wes," said David. "Isn't that our little hobbit?"

"Yep," said Wes.

"Why is he going _into_ McKinley on a Sunday night in the middle of summer? With Kurt!"

"I don't know. But they do have a paper bag with them. . . ."

"David, are you nuts? If you and your girlfriend were going to get drunk, would you sneak _onto_ school property to do it?"

"Oh. True. So if it wasn't alcohol . . ."

The conversation died at that point; Wes and David mulled the possible implications of the bag's contents in their minds. After a minute or two, Wes asked, "Do you think we should go back and spy on them?"

David shook his head. "Nah, it'd take too long. But I've got an idea. . . ." Wes grinned as David described his plan.

After reaching the janitor's closet, Kurt and Blaine returned the offending and offensive tie to the Wardrobe. Kurt re-opened it after a few seconds, finding yet another slip of paper.

_Sorry, but rules are rules. Your outfit will return to normal in one hour._

_Your friendly neighborhood Wardrobe_

"Good," said Kurt. "Now we can go back home."

"Actually, Kurt, can you give me a minute?"

"Why?"

"I just want to see if the Wardrobe will make an outfit for me." _I can't believe I'm about to have a one-sided mental conversation with an inanimate object_, he thought to himself. . . . and then realized that might not be a useful thought to share _with_ the wardrobe, if he actually wanted its help.

Blaine then "explained" his idea to the wardrobe as best he could.

_At the Hudson-Hummel residence . . ._

Rachel had come over to spend some "quality time" with Finn. Of course, this had quickly escalated to making out. Oddly, though, Finn once again began having that itching sensation that he had had the night before. This time, though, it was much stronger. After about 20 seconds, it caused him to pull away from Rachel.

"Finn, what's wrong?"

"I dunno. I have this weird itching sensation." Almost as soon as he said it, though, it was gone—and just in the nick of time.

"Eww," Rachel said, standing up. "If you just gave me an STD, I swear . . ."

It took a good half-hour for Finn to calm Rachel down and explain that, no, he wasn't talking about _that_ sort of itching. He counted his blessings that she hadn't slapped him.

_At McKinley . . ._

"You're just wasting your time, Blaine. As I said, if you're not in glee club, it doesn't work. See?" Kurt opened the wardrobe to prove his point . . .

. . . and almost passed out when he saw that inside the wardrobe were two copies of the outfit he had worn while dancing "Single Ladies" with Tina and Brittany.

Blaine grinned. "You sure about that?"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note:<strong> Sorry about the delay. I've been working out where I want to take this story from here, and working on a completely different story, too. (For starters, I can say it won't be "Humor.") I have a better idea now, so I don't think it'll be as long between updates as there was after this chapter.

But constructive criticism is always welcome (as are suggestions of things you'd like to see!).


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: **Since we still know next to nothing about Blaine's background, I've had to invent a bit of it here. I imagine we'll find out in season 3 that it's nothing like what I've suggested here.

Wes found it a little weird convening an emergency meeting of the Warblers via internet conference call, but somehow, everyone—except, of course, for Blaine—was on the phone about 30 minutes after Wes and David returned to Wes' house just outside Lima.

As always, Wes used his gavel to call the meeting to order.

"Warblers, we face a possible crisis."

Of course, the word "crisis" caused everyone to start talking at once, and forcing Wes to bring down the gavel yet again to restore order.

"Calm down, Warblers. I said _possible _crisis. I am concerned about our lead singer, Blaine Anderson."

Nick spoke up. "Why? I just spoke to him a few days ago, and he seemed fine."

"But have you seen him, Nick?"

"Not since school ended, no."

"I haven't, and David hasn't, either. In fact, if _any_ of you have seen Blaine since the end of the school year, speak up now."

There was dead silence on the line.

"As I thought, none of you have. That's because he's been spending all his time with Kurt."

Nick spoke up again. "Well, they do make a cute couple."

Jeff quickly interjected, "And it certainly reduced the sexual tension when they finally started dating." _At least it only took a couple of weeks for Nick and I to figure it out. . . ._

David couldn't ignore the softball Jeff had just served up. "Yes, Jeff, you would know about sexual tension, wouldn't you?" Jeff didn't speak; David could picture Jeff's face beet-red, and wondered if Nick's was, too. _God, if we have to go through that one more time. . . ._

But Wes decided to continue. "I'm worried for Blaine. I am concerned that Kurt and the New Directions members might be corrupting him."

A worried Flint said, "Oh, God. Kurt mentioned how their coach always wanted to do songs by Journey. If Blaine suggests one of those, I might have to punch him."

"Well, I don't know about that. But as Wes and I were driving home tonight, we spotted Kurt and Blaine sneaking _into_ McKinley. Blaine was holding a large paper bag in his hand."

"Wait, our hobbit is a lush?" asked a bewildered Thad. "Doesn't seem likely to me. And Kurt's not old enough either."

For some reason, Nick decided to play devil's advocate. "Well, those two older guys . . . Finn and Puck . . . look like they're old enough. Heck, they could pass for their late 20s if they tried a little bit."

"Thanks for the reassurance, Nick," said an exasperated David.

"I'm thinking that this calls for a Blaine-tervention. My parents told me that his parents are spending a week at their house near Lakeview. I believe that at least David and I should go there tomorrow and check up on him. Of course, since none of us have seen him recently, I am extending an open invitation to all of you to come if you so choose. Who is willing to come?"

Most of the Warblers were, unsurprisingly, not enthusiastic about making the two-hour trip given the ridiculously hot summer they'd been having. Wes and David really weren't expecting any volunteers—it was just luck that Wes happened to live outside Lima, and was close by already. But Nick and Jeff enthusiastically said yes; they were looking forward to seeing their favorite Warbler, even if it meant driving an hour and a half each way.

"OK, Nick and Jeff, meet David and I at my house at . . . 11 AM. From there, we'll take one car down to Lakeview to talk to Blaine. Unless anyone else has something to add. . . . " Wes gave everyone a moment to speak up if necessary. No one did. ". . . this emergency meeting is adjourned." He banged on the gavel, and hung up the call.

"Tomorrow should be . . . interesting," said Wes.

He had no idea.

_At McKinley . . ._

Kurt was still staring at the wardrobe, which now contained two copies of Kurt's wardrobe from "Single Ladies." _Thank God he noticed I was wearing skinny jeans and not tights_, thought Kurt.

"Blaine, did you ask for these?"

Blaine leered at Kurt. "Yes. Yes, I did."

Kurt noticed that there were two notes attached to one of the costumes. After pulling them out, he saw one was addressed to him, and one to Blaine. He read his out loud.

_Dear Kurt:_

_Blaine made a proposal. After careful consideration, I have decided to grant it. Kurt, please do not ask Blaine to explain the proposal at the present time. It will make perfect sense in a few weeks. And, in any case, perhaps there is someone else in New Directions who might just have some insight on the proposal._

_Sincerely, your friendly neighborhood Wardrobe_

"That's . . . strange. What does yours say, Blaine?"

_Dear Blaine:_

_Enjoy the costumes. But remember that this time, if they are not returned within 24 hours, _your_ clothes will be the ones to suffer._

_Sincerely, your friendly neighborhood Wardrobe_

"So, what do you want to do with these clothes?"

"Well, I was thinking that we could go to my parents' house in Lakeview. And tomorrow morning, maybe you could teach me to dance like Beyoncé."

Kurt thought about it for a moment, and then gave Blaine a peck on the cheek. "That sounds good to me. Changing into these right now, though, doesn't. Those skinny-leg jeans are murder to put on. But let me call Carole and Dad first."

Burt, of course, was never thrilled about the idea of Kurt sleeping over with Blaine, but he acquiesced, and gave him permission. (It helped when Carole reminded him that it meant they only had to feed one still-growing boy breakfast instead of three.)

The boys packed up the clothes from the wardrobe, making sure not to miss anything, and headed to Westview for the evening.


	10. Chapter 10

On the way down to Lakeview, Blaine explained that this was one of his parents' vacation homes, which they used during the summer. During the school year, when Blaine was at Dalton, they generally rented it out for a month or two at a time.

When they got there, Blaine gave Kurt a quick tour. Kurt saw that the Andersons' summer home was a little bit larger than his home. His house was also missing a couple of the amenities this house sported, like an in-ground pool, a hot tub, and a 20-foot boat tied up on its own private dock. Then again, Kurt realized, most of the house was missing the personal touches of Blaine's dorm room at Dalton, and Blaine's bedroom in Westerville.

When Kurt asked about that, Blaine pointed out that the Andersons didn't spend a lot of time there. "Four weeks a year, max. It just didn't seem to make much sense to keep a lot of personal stuff here. Mostly, it's just furniture."

"Well, at least you have a computer and TV here."

"My dad is a vice-president of a big company. Sometimes he needs to keep up with the news or take care of business quickly. My mom tried to convince him not to put WiFi here, but that was a losing battle."

So it was no surprise that Kurt and Blaine found Blaine's dad in the home office using his laptop. "Just checking the stock markets in Asia," explained Blaine's dad. "Oh, hey, Kurt," he added when he finally looked up from the computer and noticed Blaine wasn't alone. "You two can sleep in if you want. Blaine, your mother and I are taking the boat out for a spin in the morning."

"Oh, OK." Blaine looked a tad, well, _green_ at that.

Blaine's dad laughed. "Ah, Kurt, did you know that Blaine gets awful seasickness?"

"No, I didn't, but it never occurred to me to ask, either." The corners of Kurt's lips edged upward a bit.

"Yeah, when he was twelve, we took him out along with his grandfather. He—"

"Thanks, Dad," sighed Blaine. "Now before you embarrass me further, I think Kurt and I will turn in."

"I can take a hint." Blaine's dad chuckled. "G'night, Blaine. G'night, Kurt."

When Blaine and Kurt headed to Blaine's sparsely-furnished bedroom, Kurt found it just as sterile as the rest of the house, except for the pile of CDs near the small black stereo on the nightstand. Kurt confessed, "Don't worry about that, Blaine. I get seasick, too. So I'm guessing there's no boat rides in our future. Dancing, yes; boating, no."

* * *

><p><em>Monday morning, in Westerville . . .<em>

Jeff pulled into Nick's driveway at half past eight in the morning, and pulled out his cell phone. Rather than knock on the front door, Jeff called Nick's cell phone.

Nick picked up on the third ring; he walked over to the window of his bedroom and waved as he said, "Good morning, Jeff. I'll be down in a minute. Let me just grab a couple of things." When he got down to Jeff's car, Jeff handed him a cup of coffee.

"You really like the uniform, don't you, Nick?"

Nick looked down and realizing he was wearing a navy T-shirt with a red collar and gray khaki shorts. "Hey, they were on sale." Then, doing his best sultry Blaine impression, added "And you know you _love_ the blazer."

"I knew you were going to say that. Maybe I should just leave you here."

"And then who would you talk to on the drive to Lima?"

"Good point." Jeff started up the car, as Nick turned on the radio. _It would figure that they'd be playing "Teenage Dream," _thought Jeff. _It'd be a lot easier to sing along with Katy if we didn't have to transpose this down for Blaine. . . ._ _But, hey, no Blaine here, so I can sing the _melody! After a few seconds, both boys were singing along with Katy (down a couple of octaves, of course).

* * *

><p><em>A couple of hours later, in Lakeview . . .<em>

Blaine lay panting on his bed, while Kurt stood above him. "Don't blame me, Blaine. This is entirely your doing."

"Yeah, I know, I know. But could you give me a hand here? I feel . . . indecent."

"Oh, Gaga, stop. It's not like you're naked or anything. . . ." _Not that I'd mind if you were. . . ._

"Haha. Very funny."

"Well, really, think about it for a second. _You're_ the one who asked for these costumes. You should have thought about where everything was going to go."

"OK, so tell me, Kurt. Is there a 'glamorous' way to put on a leotard?"

Kurt blushed a little bit. "Sadly, no. But, seriously, did you think a shirt would stay in place like that?"

"It looked like a shirt to me. If I had known, I'd have asked the wardrobe for something a little bit different, OK? Now help me get into this thing."

Kurt smiled. Blaine had been trying for ten minutes to get the leotard on. Right now, it was halfway up his chest, but neither of his arms were in the sleeves. "It's called practice, Blaine. Do it a dozen times or so, and it'll get easier. But for now, I'll help you." It took another five minutes of Kurt standing over the Warbler, prodding and pulling. Blaine was thankful that his parents were on the boat, and that there was no around to take pictures of this.

_In Lima . . . _

Jeff pulled into Wes's driveway just as Wes and David were coming down the stairs of Wes's house. Luckily for Jeff, neither Wes nor David were wearing anything resembling the Dalton uniform. _Then again, none of them make it work like Nick does. . . ._

They all agreed to take Wes's car, as it was the more comfortable one. It meant a longer drive home for Nick and Jeff, but neither of them really minded. A few minutes after they left Lima, Nick started fishing in his pocket for something. Jeff noticed, but said nothing.

David noticed, but couldn't keep silent. "Dude, what are you doing?"

Just as David finished, Nick found what he was looking for, and pulled it out. It was a small device shaped like a pen. "Aha! This, gentlemen, is a miniature audio recorder with enough memory to record two hours of conversation. Who knows, maybe we'll need it."

"Nice," said David. "Where did you get this?"

"It was a gift from one of my uncles. He's really into these spy gadgets." _Yeah, like the tie clip that has a built-in spy camera. . . . Maybe I should have brought that with me . . . then again, maybe I should just keep that little factoid to myself._

_In Lakeview . . ._

"Seriously? _Brittany_ taught you this?"

"She's no Einstein, but the girl can dance. And so can her cousin Heather. Apparently, a couple of years ago Heather was a backup dancer for Beyoncé. She taught Britt, and Britt taught me and Tina. I taught the team. . . . and you know the rest."

"Yeah, I do." _I'm glad the Wardrobe put nametags on these, or Kurt might have figured out my little surprise. . . ._ _Shame I'll have to take it back to the Wardrobe tonight, though._ "So how does this part go again?"

"It's not that hard. You put your hands on your hips like this . . ." Kurt couldn't resist reaching out and grabbing Blaine's hands, and putting them in the right spot. "Then you lift your right leg like you're about to hop, but then instead of hopping, you just kick it out . . . like this," Kurt added as he demonstrated the move. "See? Easy."

"Yeah, it'd be easier if I wasn't wearing these skinny jeans. But here goes nothing." Blaine's first attempt was a disaster, as he ended up on his butt, and nearly tripped Kurt on top of him. Kurt started laughing as he extended a hand to the floor. Blaine, just a _smidge_ angry at Kurt laughing at him, decided to pull Kurt down to the ground instead . . . but then realized it really _was _funny, and decided to kiss Kurt instead.

It took a couple more tries, but Blaine finally got the hang of it. . . . at least for someone who wasn't as limber as Kurt.

_Outside Blaine's house . . ._

Wes, David, Jeff, and Nick all piled out of Wes' car. As they went around back to see if Blaine was enjoying the fine weather, they saw that the boat was gone, so they knew the Andersons were out on the lake. But when they got to the back door, they could hear strains of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies," so they knew that _someone_ was in the house.

Nick was closest to the door, so he knocked on it. When no one came, he knocked a bit harder, to no avail. It took him a minute, but he put two and two together. "Our favorite countertenor must be up there with our favorite hobbit." He tried the door, and was surprised to find it open. He put his finger to his lips, and waved the other Warblers inside.

_In Blaine's bedroom . . ._

"And that's how you do the hip shake. Now you try it. One, two, three, four, go!" Blaine did, and fared much better his first time than he did with the kick. _Yeah, but this doesn't require actually moving my legs that much._ "Yeah, that's it, Blaine. You got it!"

After a few seconds Kurt joined in. Beyoncé was loud enough that the boys couldn't hear the Warblers coming down the hallway. . . . until they heard Jeff's voice at the doorway.

"Hey, Blaine, what's—_what . . . the . . ."_

Two Warblers and one ex-Warbler simultaneously went beet red. Jeff and Nick started fishing for their cell phones to snap pictures. "Blaine—Door—_NOW!_" Kurt said, causing Blaine to slam the door shut as Kurt brought a chair over to barricade it.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>There really is a Lakeview, Ohio, between Lima and Westerville. I claim no resemblance between that Lakeview and the one depicted here.

And, for what it's worth, singing along to Katy Perry's version of "Teenage Dream" is hard for me, because I keep wanting to sing it in the _Glee_ version's key.


	11. Chapter 11

The Warblers who had come to visit Blaine were standing outside the now-blockaded door to Blaine's bedroom. After Wes's attempt to open the door failed, he started trying was trying to convince Blaine and Kurt to open up the door, while David was trying to calm a rather incoherent Jeff down before Jeff started hyperventilating. The only coherent sentence he heard from Jeff was "What has been seen cannot be unseen. . . ."

Nick, a strong believer of the "Pictures or it didn't happen" philosophy, was determined to get evidence, even if all he had to work with was his cell phone camera. Being observant, as his uncle had taught him, Nick noted that neither the curtains nor the blinds in Blaine's bedroom were drawn, so he could easily see in from outside. He looked at Wes, put a finger to his lips, and pointed to the camera on the back of his phone. Nick then headed for the door leading outside.

Inside, Blaine and Kurt were by the door, trying to catch their breath. After a couple of seconds, Blaine stood still, and just listened to the noise coming from outside his bedroom. He then whispered to Kurt, "Hey, do you hear Nick's voice out there?"

Kurt listened for a second. "No."

"Should have known." He ran over to the desk to pick up his cell phone, then ran next to the window so he could close the blinds without standing directly in front of the window. As he reached up for the controls for the blinds, he dialed Nick. Nick had just stepped outside when he heard his phone ring. Looking at it, he saw Blaine's name on the phone, and cursed to himself before answering.

"Hi, Blaine. What's up?"

"Well, not the blinds, anymore. . . ."

"Darn," said Nick.

"Now why don't you come inside, and maybe we can talk about this like adults, instead of playing Spy vs. Spy."

"Ha-ha. Fine," said Nick, as he hung up the phone.

_Meanwhile, in Lima. . . ._

Finn, having no plans for the day, had decided to sleep in.

He hadn't planned on being woken up by a pounding headache.

"What the hell," he said as he suddenly woke up. _This must be what it feels like to be hungover. But why do I have this pounding headache? _He couldn't think of any reason why his head would be pounding, especially since otherwise he felt fine. His eyes and ears seemed to be working just fine. He decided to get some aspirin, and pray that that would do the trick.

_In Lakeview. . . ._

Kurt, using his weight to keep the other Warblers out, called Blaine over as soon as he got off the phone. "OK, Blaine, as I see it, we have several problems." He started counting on his fingers as he enumerated in as low-volume and low-pitch a voice as he could muster. "One, we need to get out of these outfits before our photos end up plastered on Facebook. Two, we need to get these outfits out to your car. Three, _I_ need to get back to Lima tonight, and I don't have a car here, which means _we_ need to go back to Lima. Four, we need to get away from your esteemed colleagues. Five, we have to get away without mentioning you-know-what."

Blaine's face grew a bit pale as Kurt kept talking. "Honey, I've been through this before dealing with my dad. Why don't you get started on changing your clothes while I start working on the rest of it."

Blaine could live with that, although it meant wrestling with the leotard again. _At least it's OK if it doesn't quite come off in one piece_, thought Blaine. Kurt had explained to him that the Wardrobe was OK with damaged or dirty clothes, as long as it got the clothes back. "Apparently, wherever the clothes come from, they have pretty good dry cleaning and tailoring services," Kurt quipped. After making his way out of his jeans, Blaine grabbed the rest of his clothes and headed to the closet. "I'm not taking any chances," said Blaine.

Kurt, ever the opportunist, saw a chance to tweak the Warblers outside a bit. He pulled out his cell phone and called David. When David picked up and said hello, Kurt turned on him with mock fury.

"Thanks, you guys. Now Blaine's gone back in the closet. Thanks a whole lot," he said, sounding indignant, and then abruptly hanging up. When David explained to the other Warblers, they just looked confused.

When Blaine had finally made himself decent (that Is, not wearing clothes that would embarrass him if his mother saw), he emerged from the closet . . . causing Kurt to grin wickedly and pick up his phone again.

Outside the door, Wes' phone rang, and he saw Kurt on the line.

"Blaine's come out of the closet again, David." Kurt put the phone on speaker before continuing. "Hey, Blaine, want to make out?" As he said this, he beckoned Blaine closer.

"Sure, Kurt. But I think it'd be a _lot_ more fun if you were wearing a _lot_ less clothing." Blaine's grin stretched almost ear to ear as he approached Kurt. He planted a quick kiss on Kurt's cheek, and then pantomimed to Kurt to let Kurt know it was time for Kurt to change. Kurt got the signal, and the boys switched places.

Blaine kept up the charade, though, for Kurt's benefit. "So, Wes, would you like to listen in? Or maybe you'd prefer to watch?"

Blaine was not surprised when the phone suddenly disconnected. Nor, for that matter, when he heard Wes explain the phone call.

And when Wes was done, he just shook his head when he heard Nick yell "Dammit."

In what Blaine figured must have been world-record time, Kurt emerged from the closet himself. His clothes were quite disheveled, especially given Kurt's lofty standards, and his hair was quite a mess. But Blaine found him absolutely adorable. His phone call notwithstanding, the sight of Kurt really did give him the urge to make out with Kurt on the spot.

Kurt didn't miss the look of hunger on Blaine's face.

Kurt walked over to Blaine and leaned to whisper in Blaine's ear.

"Calm down, tiger, there's plenty of time for _that_ sort of fun later. But you and I have some work to do first. So here's what we should do."

_In Lima. . . ._

Unfortunately, Finn had no luck finding the aspirin . . . and then he remembered he had used the last one the previous week, and no one had had time to go to the pharmacy to pick up more.

Of course, Burt had his baby aspirin for his heart, but Finn wasn't going anywhere _near_ that bottle. He could still hear Kurt's voice ringing in his head from the one time he had tried to take some. ("Finn Hudson, the baby aspirin is for my dad's heart. If even one of those pills ends up in your mouth, I swear I will destroy every puffy vest you own." Finn did not hear the faintest trace of humor in Kurt's voice.)

So it looked like his only option was to drive over to the pharmacy himself to pick up some aspirin. But all of a sudden his headache went away as suddenly as it came.

Finn sat down in the living room to watch some TV to see if the weird headache would come back. When, after a half an hour it hadn't, he counted his blessings, and then got into his car to get the aspirin. _Better safe than sorry_, he thought. When he turned on his car, and turned it to a classic rock station, any thought of trying to figure out the source of the weird headache was drowned out by the sound of "Jessie's Girl."


End file.
